A New Year. A New Post.

Now is the time for fresh starts, new beginnings, taking chances, making a difference and trying something new.

I am a different person than I was this time last year. I love the woman that I have become. I used to feel like I had to have control over everything in my life, that everything needed to happen a certain way. I would be very hard on myself and always felt like a failure. I was short tempered, impatient, and I would take on more than I could handle. As a result of that, I was constantly stressed out and had a hard time taking care of myself . I was depressed and had bad anxiety. I needed a change. I am changing and bettering myself daily and my 2017 goals are going to help me become even better. I wanted to share a couple of my resolutions/goals for the year on my blog. Maybe if I share them, I'll be able to stick to them.

One thing that I have discovered living on my own is that it's really hard financially. It never bothered me living paycheck to paycheck because I lived with my parents and I didn't have to pay rent. Not paying rent helped out a lot. It's hard living that way when you have to pay rent, buy groceries and pay my phone bill, fill your car with gas and only having a little bit left over. I love road trips, going out and having fun, eating out and shopping and to be honest I've been doing that a lot more than I should. I need to be saving my money instead. I need change something in my lifestyle if I want to be able to pay the bills and live a fun life. So, my first goal of the year is to work hard (without working myself to death) and save money! I want to be able to support myself, be prepared in case of an emergency and be able to do the things I want to do without worrying if I'm not going to be able to pay a bill if I go have a little fun.

When I was in college, I took a Yoga class and I fell in love it. Ever since, I've practiced on my own some, took a few classes and read a couple of books. I made a Pinterest board with different learning techniques and videos. I just did yoga as a workout and because it made me more flexible. I loved how my body felt so much better and looser afterwards. But recently I learned that it's a great escape. I do yoga to clear my mind, to let go of whats weighing me down. It's changed the way I think and the way I live my life. It's made me recognize that I need to love and take care of myself. That sometimes putting myself first isn't selfish, but necessary. The practice of  yoga is for the healing of the mind, body and soul. I've gained a deep understanding and appreciation of yoga and meditation. Now, do I do it all the time like I want to....no. I admit, I've been a little lazy. I've even gained 10 pounds in the past 6 months! Which is crazy cause even when I barely work out, I used to look like I did. I could eat whatever and not gain a pound. I am almost 25 and I feel so unhealthy. Which brings me to my next goal for 2017. Being dedicated to practicing yoga and meditation. I want to be physically, mentally strong and live a more positive life.

I want to prove to myself, family and friends that I can take care of myself...financially, physically, mentally and spiritually. I figured if I can stick to these goals that I made for myself I can accomplish so much more in my life and be able to achieve other goals I have set for my future.

What are your thoughts?... Did you make any resolutions/goals for 2017? 

Share them in the comments for me to read! 

LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS & BREAK UPS

I have had my fair share of break ups and to be honest the latest one had to have been the biggest surprise of them all. I wasn't expecting it. It's definitely been the hardest one I have had to deal with. I have always thought that my previous break ups were difficult to bear and in a way they were. Those guys treated me wrong and I never got the closure I felt like needed. Guys have lied to me, used me, cheated on me, lead me on and I've even been stood up on occasion because the guy didn't have the courage to break up with me. I would let the way guys treated me bring me down and make me think of myself as worthless and undeserving of love, even when I never was the one who did anything wrong. 

For the longest time I never thought I learned anything from my past relationships. I felt so negative and I was embarrassed that I let those guys walk all over me and let what they did to me control my life. It took some growing up and a realization that I never deserved to be treated like that, but at the same time I learned that I wasn't doing anything to prevent those situations either. I wasn't putting God first and I wasn't living my life completely the way I needed to be. I had a basic testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and it was small and fragile. I was trying so hard to make something work that wasn't supposed to and ignore the promptings of the spirit telling me that I shouldn't be with that guy. I was too focused on getting married instead of preparing myself for marriage and becoming someone a guy wanted to marry. 

My last relationship ended pretty recently, but it's by far the best relationship I have ever been. It hurts me that it ended and I've been having the hardest time understanding why it did. I've prayed and prayed about this guy and I felt like this was it. After everything I have been though and improving my life, I have finally found the person I want to spend eternity with. For me actions speak louder than words and though he didn't talk about his feelings often, I always felt that something was there because of his actions. I guess I was wrong because, for weeks, he had been having second thoughts and I never knew. I didn't see it coming. He said he prayed about it, but he didn't get the same answer as me. Sometimes when one person believes it will work out doesn't mean the other person does.

 I have learned from a recent Family Home Evening lesson with the Young Single Adults in my area, that when we feel like we aren't receiving an answer or feeling unsure if we are or not, we need to ask ourselves..."am I asking the right questions?". Heavenly Father gave us our agency and He will never take that away from us. When it comes to praying about the one we are supposed to be with, He isn't going to tell you who you're supposed to marry. I believe there is more than one person that is right for us out there. It is up to us to decide who that person will be and it is up to the two of you to decide if it's going to work. So, instead of praying "Heavenly Father, who am I supposed to marry?" or "Heavenly Father, am I supposed to marry this person or not?" - We need to ponder about it and make a decision and then pray about our decision - "Heavenly Father, this is who I choose to marry; this is who I want to be with...am I making the right decision?". Once we make a decision and pray about it, we need to act on that decision and continue to have faith in the Lord. He will let you know if you made the right decision or not. 

My past relationships have taught me a lot and I have become thankful for them. I needed to date those guys to discover what I want in a relationship and what kind of guy I want to have as an eternal companion. I have stopped letting other people make me feel like I am worthless and I know now that I am deserving of love. There is an amazing guy out there looking for a girl like me and I'm sure he is everything I have been looking for as well. Maybe he will surprise me by waiting at the airport with a big, sweet and embarrassing poster because we haven't seen each other in weeks. Maybe he will realize what he has when he has it and never lets me go...and if he does, he will do anything to get me back. 

Lately, I have found comfort after my latest breakups by praying and asking for Heavenly Father's help and guidance, followed by reading and studying the scriptures. I also have learned it doesn't hurt to ask for a priesthood blessing from my father. Although doing those things are wonderful and helpful, I receive the most comfort from attending the temple. No matter how hopeless I feel because I haven't been asked out by a decent guy in a while and start to think "am I ever going to find love?"... and when I see my friends and fellow young single adults in my group getting engaged and married, I always read my favorite blog post by Al Carraway ("The Tattooed Mormon") - I'm never getting married. It's given me so much hope and guidance and I learned that I need to focus on my relationship with God and that if I "continued to put God first, everything else would fall into place."